If I don't accomplish anything else in life, I have at least this one goal:
I want to become a mother.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but motherhood is somewhat degraded in our society where self-advancement prevails. But do people even realize its beauty, its timeless and sacrificial beauty. I never understood the notion of love until this summer. I still don't, but I'm getting closer to it. Love is painful, and not being able to love is also painful. The former is probably more painful, but I have yet to truly experience that life-long sacrificial love, reflecting God's love for us, that a mother displays for her child. I am so ashamed that I have not been a better daughter; if anything, I haven't been a good one even. I am selfish. I am inconsiderate. I am unnecessarily independent. I am stubborn. I'm glad I've finally realized - I am truly grateful that I have - because through it I've learned of the immense love my parents have for me. It isn't perfect; they're human like me. But it is the closest thing to unconditional. I am so touched and hurt. Hurt because I know that no matter how many times I stumble and fail them, they will always love me; and it hurts to even imagine the pain they will experience. It's not too late, I can still change. But I feel so helpless, not being able to return the kind of love they have for me.
Unrequited love, she called it. For now, all I can do is to respond in gratitude.
Less of me. I know that when my time comes, I will finally understand their heart, God's heart. And what greater reward is there? What has been my prayer for the last several years? What more can I live for, than to know God's heart?
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. -Mother Teresa
